“There’s just no way to make Hearing Aids better” says Company that Makes F*cking Ultrasound Golf Club Cleaner

MUNICH, GERMANY - A top Hearing Aid manufacturer today held a press conference today to unveil the company's newest offerings. The event was headlined by a new type of golf club sock that uses ultrasound technology to scrub your iron clean after every whack. But the real showstopper came during the first round of Q&A.

When asked by Earmold tech correspondent, Janus Flips, if there was a need for this technology while their hearing devices seem to improve in minor increments, the spokesman simply said "we are putting everything we can into this research" before shifting to their new airport automation software which can streamline the unbelievably complex logistics of a smoothly functioning airport and reduce the total staff of Chicago's O'Hare airport to 42.

Ms. Flips pressed on and asked why hearing aids still sound like a cheap tape recorder and cost more than a used car and was escorted out by two very large men in very expensive suits. The Earmold will not stand idly by while clubs get scrubbed by Star Trek tech and near-deaf people are cast aside to be forever asking if they don't have fun at parties because of their hearing or because they are just really square. We deserve a fair chance at being fun in a social setting, even if we end up being wallflowers. But, as a wise man once said, tis better to a wallflower than to never hear a flower at all.

If you are still reading this, get a job. Actually, that could be offensive since there is so much ability discrimination. Thus, the Earmold now apologizes to the #deaf community, the #hearing community, #StarTrek, #Golfers, Large #Men who wear #expensive #suits and throw #reporters out of buildings, #Chicago, #Germany, airports, and flowers.